Bill O'Reilly Racist, Liver Spotted Old Coot

I don’t know how he finds the time, with all those fannies to pinch around the office and obscene phone calls to make and so much panting to practice, but Bill O’Reilly set aside several minutes this week (as he does nearly every week) to toss off a few racist comments. You’ve probably already heard about these quotes – it’s old news by now – but just in case you haven’t, here’s what Creepy McCreep said on a recent episode of his radio show:

You know, I was up in Harlem a few weeks ago, and I actually had dinner with Al Sharpton, who is a very, very interesting guy. And he comes on The Factor a lot, and then I treated him to dinner, because he's made himself available to us, and I felt that I wanted to take him up there. And we went to Sylvia's, a very famous restaurant in Harlem. I had a great time, and all the people up there are tremendously respectful. They all watch The Factor. You know, when Sharpton and I walked in, it was like a big commotion and everything, but everybody was very nice.

And I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship. It was the same.

And then:

There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, "M-F-er, I want more iced tea."

And:

You know, I mean, everybody was – it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all.

I don’t want to waste a lot of time on the many ways in which this whole speech is incredibly offensive – and totally unsurprising coming from O’Reilly – because what’s far more interesting is the way he’s chosen to defend himself since verbally pooing this out. After CNN and NBC both aired bits on O’Reilly’s typically insensitive and asinine remarks, he used his program to blast both networks, accusing CNN of going “over to the dark side” and airing the stories as a result of jealousy over ratings:

The reason CNN did this is because its ratings are abysmal. It is getting hammered by FOX news, so they’re desperate for attention. And smearing me is one way to get it. This is dishonest and dangerous. If a slime machine like Media Matters can get its far left propaganda on CNN and NBC News, the nation is in trouble. Failure leads to desperation. The Factor has been number one for six consecutive years and defeats our cable news competition combined. The other cable news outlets are ratings disasters. But that is no excuse for being dishonest.

This is classic O’Reilly, twisting situations to divert attention from the real issues at hand, and seeking blind revenge against anyone who disagrees with him – or calls him out. If you dig through all the total b.s. above, you’ll find that O’Reilly unintentionally lays out what really happened: 1) O’Reilly unwittingly admitted that until recently, he had no idea that black people are actual people and that they do…you know…people stuff, 2) Media Matters published his admission, verbatim, 3) CNN and NBC News picked up the story, 3) O’Reilly and his producers tried (and failed) to stem the negative press by calling CNN to stop the story and 4) seeing they were fighting a losing battle, O’Reilly and staff turned to Plan B – not the plan to acknowledge the racism apparent in the remarks and apologize, mind you, but the other plan B – the plan to blame the whole messy incident on CNN’s jealousy (of…O’Reilly’s journalistic integrity? His reputation for physically threatening guests he disagrees with? His way with the ladies – a way involving unwanted advances and handkerchiefs doused in chloroform?)

The fact is, O’Reilly doesn’t dedicate much time to defending his words because he knows there is no defense for them. And he knows that his show is basically the equivalent of some crazy old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn. He also knows that some people – or rather, dumb people – would rather be entertained by watching that crazy old man than the stuffy old news. That’s why real journalists – the kind that actually win Peabodies – lose ratings to people like him and to FOX News in general.

Also – who lies about winning a Peabody? Bill O’Reilly, that’s who. Meaning this is just another example in a seemingly endless list of reasons why no one out douchebags Bill O’Reilly.

Everybody’s good at something.